005 How to Talk to Kids so They Will Listen…..

005 How to Talk to Kids so They Will Listen…..

005 How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk.

By Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish  ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 

“The Parenting Bible”
The Boston Globe

Ten Lessons Learned

1.- The Child from Outer-space.
Do you remember a time when you felt your parents didn’t understand your needs? Or have you ever felt frustrated when you couldn’t make your child do what you told them to do? Well, it’s a common situation, and most of us have experienced it. It is like you’re talking to a creature from another world. And believe it or not, that’s what is happening. To have successful communication, you first have to establish the rules and acknowledge not just the words but also other variables

2.- Your child will only listen if you recognize their feelings.

The best way to establish communication is to understand what feelings is your child trying to explain and to accept them. Instead of forcing your ideas, try to listen, and help them cope with their discomfort. Don’t impose your ideas or try to trick them into thinking you understand, for they will feel it, and things will get worst.

3.- Don’t Impose, Explain.
When you try to impose your demands, your child becomes angrier. Establish some parameters that they can understand, tell them about the benefits they’ll have if they do the right thing. Don’t just ask them to stop eating something, or that they must go to bed. Explain to them they will feel tired, or that their tummy will hurt. Use some easy reference that they can understand.

4.- My House, My Rules.

Many times, we feel like if we’re banging into a glass barrier, and nothing we say gets listened to. We tend to enforce our rules by punishing any bad behavior. This will only make our child angrier, and, the communication gets harder each day. It is better to take another approach. Explain the reason why the rules are in the first place. Don’t punish an adolescent for coming back late, you should talk to him/her and listen to what was the reason for this. Then explain that you worry something could happen to them and, that if they have any situation why they can’t get on time, to phone you and let you know, so you are aware and help.

5.- Teach them to act correct and be independent adults.
Nobody learns from other’s mistakes. You didn’t, neither your parents or your great parents. We need to make our own mistakes and learn from them. Let them make choices but be there for them to guide them and help them, don’t lose hope, yes maybe they will make some mistake sometimes, but be sure to encourage them and lead them. As Richard Branson says, “You don’t learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing, and by falling over.”

6.- Labels are for things, not for people.
We remember a friend that as a child, was labeled as trouble, lazy, slow, or incorrigible. And when they grew up, they became what they were told to be. So, don’t place a label on someone, Recognize the situation or action, and make him understand why he or she shouldn’t act this way.

7.- Always in Private.
And yes, sometimes you might have to correct some action or to discipline your child. If that happens to be sure to do it in private, never in front of other people, you don’t want to make your child be ashamed in front of their friends or make an example to others, this will only cause resentment and anger towards you.

8.- Praise good behaviors in Public.
On the other hand, if you think you have to praise your child for something, do it in public and make sure they understand your feelings towards this action and how happy or proud it makes you. With this, you will help them to grow their self-esteem and confidence.

9.- Praise well, Praise often.
Learning to praise might be hard, and if your child is not used to he might feel uncomfortable, therefore, this is a challenge you have to master, you have to learn how and what you should praise, don’t overdo it, and what’s worst don’t underdo it. Make sure you praise your child from the heart; otherwise, you’ll look manipulative and have the opposite reaction. Never use a reference of an adverse action to enforce your comment, always look for the positive feedback.

10.- Lessons learned.
If you want your kids to listen, you have to find the best way to communicate with them, not only through words but also by understanding their feelings and discomfort. Never label a kid for his actions, help them on how to correct this behavior, and guide them. Avoid enforcing your rules, is better to explain what they are for, and the benefits your child will obtain by following them. Share your feelings and listen to their opinion, who knows, maybe you will learn from them.

This summary is intended for educational purposes, not as an alternative to the book.

If you are interested in a copy for yourself, click http://bit.ly/My100BoksProject005  👈

If you want to know more about the author, go to https://www.fabermazlish.com/

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